Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
