Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
