We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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