So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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