I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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