96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
