I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
