Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
