listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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