my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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