sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
