Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
