It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
