2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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