I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
