what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
