If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
