Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
