didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
