So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
