Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
