why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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