is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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