OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I supernannyed him into submission
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
