so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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