That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
