i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
