I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
