Don't you send me to vm
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
