Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
