You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
