I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
