I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
