dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
