Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
