i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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