I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
