I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
