i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
