Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
