so explain again why im purple
no
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
