is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
