plz talk dirty to me
Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
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I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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