dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
