I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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