and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
