i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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