her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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