I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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