I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
