i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
