How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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