The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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