I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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