i always forget guys have bellybuttons
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
