we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
BRING THE BAGELS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
