I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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