The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
