I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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