I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
