don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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