Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My ass is underappreciated
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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