If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
