i don't like sucking hair
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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