you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
