So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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