His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
