Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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