she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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