In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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