How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize