So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
