Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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